It’s nights like this that get to you. Striking you down beneath the midnight blanket. As you lie awake. Thoughts. Memories of that one person whom lit your world with happiness, love and care (Mum) is no longer dancing beside you, but now above you upon the clouds in life’s song.
Since you can no longer sit side by side, talking to one another about everything. There is no more present moment between the both of you where you can exchange a hug, a kiss upon the cheek. Or the simple exchange of ‘I love you,’ Its all now just scenes automatically set on rewind and playback. For that is the only way to feel anything close to sharing the present moment with them.
As you toss and turn attempting to get a nights sleep. The conclusion hits you. You wont see them. Hear them. Feel them again until you dance together again upon the clouds. Shock. Anger. Denial. Sadness fills you. Tears struggle to escape your eyes. For already so many have been shed. You want to scream in frustration. But don’t. For the world is sleeping. So you keep in.
Over time people you are close to their true colours reveal themselves. They slowly cut conversations shorter and shorter with you, until you no longer hear a word from them. They think you don’t notice their silence. But you do. You begin to think your grief is a disease to which people fear to go near you or talk to you. Because the reality is to unbearable for them. They would rather keep in their bubbles, sew their mouths shut, than ask you how you are. Oh well you’ve come accustomed to it. Grief is a lonely, isolating journey.
You find solace in the only way you know how, reflecting with watery eyes on all the photographs that tell so many stories of what you shared with the one you lost and love. You continue to rewind and playback all that was with them over and over and over again until you finally get some sleep and hope that you just might reunite with them in your dreams. Even if it’s only for a short time.